Thursday, December 16, 2010

Heavy Heart

Oh boy, I have had a very heavy heart this week.  I learned of the passing of 3 children all under the age of 2.  One died at child birth, the other in her sleep, and one in a car wreck.  Can you even imagine? I can't.  I can't imagine ever waking up to something that horrific.  I admit, I squeezed my children a little tighter this week.  Tears came down my face last night as I stood over Caroline's crib while she was sound asleep.  I wish Grant and her knew how much they are loved.  I wish they could comprehend it in my voice, my hugs, and my kisses that they are my whole entire world.  Though a small part of me thinks they do.

Monday, I prayed to God that he would help me be a better mother.  Not that I don't think I am a good mother to my children, but like every other mom, there are many things I know I can improve on. 

Some days are so rough around here.  Grant is hanging from the celling, while all his toys are scattered on the floor.  Caroline is so fussy and only wants to be held.  Some days I envy Brad as he walks out that door to go to work.  He enjoys a nice SILENT car ride in and a nice SILENT car ride home.  No diapers, no bottles, and no screaming.  Some days going to work would be my paradise.  Don't get me wrong, I am forever thankful I am fortunate enough to stay home.  I would not give it up for anything.  I pray that God will show me how to appreciate these hard times during my day.

I pray that God will help me cherish every moment with my children.  Every waking moment.  Let me see the good in Grant throwing his lunch at the window.  Let me enjoy getting poop out of Caroline's clothes.  Help me learn that the e-mails I check instead of playing choo-choos will ALWAYS be there.  Lord, help my not rush through the kids nightly routine, just so I can finally eat my dinner. Let me enjoy putting them to bed, even if it sometimes a struggle.  This because, sadly I learned this week, they may not always wake up.

I know I have so much to learn, but I am happy to know I have the very best teacher.  I know God will guide me threw the hard times, and praise me on the best days.  

My only wish: Lord, please don't ever let me take one single moment with my kids for granted again.

Let me enjoy more times like these...even if there is more water on the floor then in the tub.  These are the best days of my life.  So sorry Caroline for showing your goods, but ya'll were to cute not to share! :)

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